How to pretend you live in Cambodia when you don't

1. Walk around your local downtown wearing a sign that says "yell things as me". Listen to the jeers. Realize you sure as heck don't fit in.

2. Wash all of your clothes in a bucket. Soak them for a few hours. Then wring the heck out of them. Hang them up in your shower stall to dry. Take a shower. Leave them dripping in that shower. Wait a day. Take another shower. Finally take them out of the shower and put them in the sun. Smell the mildew. Welcome to rainy season.

3. Light three mosquito coils in your room. Everyday.

4. Go try to find a market that sells only water and eggs. Purchase both daily.

5. Go walking in your local super market. Throw rotten food on the floor. Turn on the heat. And break down the walls. Pleasant huh? Add a mass of load people arguing about prices.

6. Imagine that everywhere you go people are yelling "Moto" "Tuk Tuk" and various other things as you walk down the street.

7. Bargain with your fruit seller at King Soopers or Stop and Shop. Tell them that the grapes should not be that price and you are only willing to pay x price. Stomp away angry when they disagree.

8. Take a shower and go sit in a steam room. Do this for three full days.

9. Go to a local bar. Replace the men's girlfriends with 18 year olds. Then realize most of them are actually prostitutes.

10. At four pm stand outside with a hose over your head in a bucket of sewage. When the water in the bucket is to your knees, stop. And imagine trudging around in that.

11. Look both ways before you cross the street. 10 times. Even on a one way street.

12. Buy some fish. Put it in the sun. Add camembert cheese. Leave it in the sun for three days. Smell it. Mmmmmm Pra Hak.

Oh yeah. This is the life. Or something.